Monday 16 August 2010

"Why not just get a Macbook?."



Is it me or have Microsoft been colluding with Intel for years now with not even a hint of suspicion.

I say this because I am tired of the computing lifecycle I have long become a victim of.

It works like this:

  1. My current PC/Laptop is now a few years obsolete, OK no biggie it still does what I want it to do (oxymoron in regards to using any Microsoft technology)
  2. New Windows released, I don't care, I proceed to make cynical joke about purchasers being beta-testers for another faux Mac operating System
  3. I soon require my PC/Laptop to do more than it currently does (which usually coincides with a new version of Football Manager being released or the need for better hardware)
  4. I upgrade RAM to max capacity and it tides me over for a short while, I'm content
  5. I eventually think f*** it, and fork out on something new (in reality I received a free laptop from my uni... haha up yours PC World)
  6. I get excited at the much better specs, and the new OS (Ironic?)
  7. I realize that the new OS, requires more processing power, hence canceling out the improved specs (DOES WINDOWS AERO REALLY MAKE USING A PC BETTER? DOES IT?)
  8. I seek comfort in the fact that at least my s****y Intel Graphics chip-set is better than what I had before and plan to add more RAM to my lappy
  9. By the time I get round to upgrading my RAM a whole new series of i-something processors are out
  10. So my current PC/Laptop is now a few years obsolete, OK no biggie it still does what I want...

Thursday 29 July 2010

"Don't cry over spilt, oil?"


Whats the difference between Arsenal Football Club and British Petroleum (BP)?

Both have had to deal with serious spills recently.

Get it?

Spill?

Because the oil and the goalie...

Nevermind.

I'll start off with the football, ever since the departure of David Seaman from the Arsenal ranks the club has never managed to secure those reliable hands that served them ever so well. Of course during years following his departure we still had what could be considered a goalkeeper of the highest quality in Jens Lehmann (a member of the invincible League winning squad may I add), but his state of mental health was always somewhat questionable...

"Mad Jens" as he would soon be affectionately named still holds the worst discipline record of any player at Borussia Dortmund, and during his time in the Premiership he showed us many of his trademark moves. The crazed shot-stopper would often be found wondering outside of his 18 yard box, tormenting opposition strikers (including a classic spat with Didier Drogba) and his favourite pass-time, publicly hurling abuse at his understudy( soon-to-be successor) Manuel Almunia.

Over to BP, who are responsible for one for the worst environmental disasters in the USA to date, provoking many key political figures in the US to press for hefty, almost excessive sanctions against the British company. However, it has to be appreciated that when the carelessness of a reputed foriegn Multi-National Corporation is responsible the loss of life and such a mess in your own backyard, there would be some degree of outrage, oh wait...

The spill has been sealed for now, and BP's chief executive Tony Hayward has been axed, so where to go now?

The "make-up" process is underway and it's just a matter of time before all is back to normal with BP on political grounds at least. However, the company's shares currently are still a shadow of their former glory, formerly hitting an April high of 650 pence now down almost two thirds, and with massive losses having recently been announced the bears may begin showing their teeth. In contrast, despite all this doom and gloom a quick glance at my stockbrokers account shows me traders still appear optimistic, with prices up over 10 pence today.

Today rumours are circulating that Arsene Wenger has signed the Italian international Fredrico Marchetti for £6 million, this is also amongst ongoing rumours that Mark Schwarzer is an Arsenal target. Whether these players will improve the goalkeeping situation at Arsenal FC is yet to be known, but they may simply prove to be another short-stop solution to a leak that may spring back up in a couple seasons only to confirm Wenger's lack of finesse in the art of signing goalkeepers, Richard Wright anyone?

Young keepers Vito Mannone, who impressed when called upon last season, Wojciech Szczesny, who made a stunning impact on loan at Brentford also last season and even the already being dubbed "lost-cause" Lukasz Fabianski may have what it takes in due time to take the helm at Arsenal. These players have time on their hands to improve and then-prove what they can offer the club. Manuel Almunia however, his fate has been sealed, no longer shall we see the Spaniard defending corners with a goalkeeping style that appears to be inspired by Nicolas Anelka's goal celebrations, and it leaves me to wonder, maybe the crazy one was right after all.

Wednesday 21 July 2010

"The Artful Dodger"



Often do I reminisce about the days when a bus fare was a meagre 40 pence and even so I thought I was being ripped off, now journeys are £2.00, ironic.

In all of TFL's efforts to rip us off all they have achieved is to have given rise to a new generation of skilled free-rider, also ironic.

The resultant of increasing the price of the derived demand that is known as transport is a breed of commuter who reserve special place in my heart for simply not paying any fares.

Now I won't reveal all the details and intricacies of this masterful art at risk of reprisals from readers of this blog who engage in similar activities, however I'll give some advice that has worked for my.. many I know.

On the train: Inspectors may be fearful of waking a rough looking stranger, so next time you travel make sure you are wearing that old T-Shirt that you now use to clean the bathroom floor and get cosy in a corner. There is always risk however, that you may have encountered a more diligent breed of train inspector and if this is the case, simply begin foaming at the mouth and shouting expletives, you should be left well alone.

Lifestyle advice from Michael.

Priminister's questions

How about once a month they allow the general public into the house of commons to ask the more pressing questions concerning the nation?

"How comes my relatives living abroad laugh when I mention "British" and "summertime" in the same sentence?"

"Why is the Eurovision Song contest title so elusive to this country?"

"Does 1966 by law have to be mentioned every 4 years?"

"Is it possible replace advertisements with short novels on public transport? I need a better means of avoiding eye contact with the passenger opposite to me"

"Why is it taking so long for mobile phone receptors to be implemented on the London underground? I need a better means of avoiding any sort of interaction with the passenger adjacent to me"

"I ran over a pigeon, what shall I do?"

"Who commissioned a new series of My Family on BBC1, and why are they not facing trial?"

"Why wasn't a state of emergency declared when the England national football team once again failed to live up to media expectations during the world cup?"

"Why isn't Mark Bright facing extradition to North Korea for generally being a clueless twat on national television?"

"I heard that Nick Clegg's job description is along the lines of "office junior" is this true?"

Are we obslete?

As an unemployed student, I've had a lot of time to think about the more important questions that life poses, such as why is it that some people would rather use the self service checkout in their local superstore than the till? As I qued for my local Tesco's self service checkout I began to grow increasingly concerned at the presence of woman ahead of me who appeared to have done shopping for the whole month. In comparison to the 3 items in my hand at the time I questioned her logic and wondered why she simply didn't go to a till.

With the introduction of these self service checkouts I was very skeptical of their purpose, even to the extent of thinking that a secret scheme was being employed to train the public to scan their own items in attempt to eventually phase out all till workers. The sad thing is that whilst at the time I may had just been entertaining myself with far-fetched themes as I often do, there appears to be truth in my figment of imagination. Train ticket machines, Sat-Nav and all manner of things invented to make life easier, these are all items that are being commonplace in everyday life, so what's the problem?

Well, personally I don't take too much issue with the application of technology in order to assist the everyday person, however, there comes a point where technology begins to eliminate necessity of a human presence. Maybe this is just the rant of a student who is struggling to find employment for the summer (and in part this is true) but when a touch screen can apply successfully for a job position ahead of a competent individual, it's time to worry.

Tuesday 20 July 2010

"You actually watch this?"

My Mother has recently banned my younger sisters from watching Eastenders, she claims that they "learn nothing beneficial" from it and should rather watch something educational and enlightening, or even read a book. I won't state my views on her decision as of yet, they'll become clear in a short while. Reading into her actions however, I began pondering, when I was younger the only television that was restricted by my Mother was Wrestling. I often remember late Friday nights having to turn the T.V. volume down to watch WCW whilst she slept, luckily on Saturday her work shifts allowed me and my elder brother to watch WWF (as it was then known) without her parental interference. Back onto track however, I began to think "has television gone too far?" has it become too influential and detrimental to our society and especially to the younger and more easily lead amongst us, children?

In consideration of this personal debate the major factor to acknowledge was the nostalgia factor. It has been globally endorsed that every generation wields the right to make statements along the lines of "in my day..." followed by a proclamation of how inferior our current state of society is to theirs. So if I was to take the stance that television has deteriorated since my earlier days will I be simply living up to my human nature? Regardless of this potential bias, I will present my views without discretion.

My earliest television memories revolve around an easy-going purple dinosaur and his friends, human and of the pre-historic disposition. I also remember a yellow dinosaur (fun-fact: Until I was about 8 she was "lellow") who funnily enough upon reflection had serious anxiety issues, as well as a group of young children facing and most importantly overcoming everyday challenges with the guidance of their purple friend. Me, well I'm no child psychologist but maybe the aim of this programme was to help develop basic social skills, either way I enjoyed it's positive messages and the assurances of Barney at the end of the show that "He loves me" and "We're a happy family", creepy. However, to be honest, apart from the nonsensical "Teletubbies" I have little complaint with T.V. specially made for the younger spectrum of viewers, even now.

Fast-forward to the present and especially current prime-time viewing, you know the family-orientated stuff. I am beginning to question the competency of writers to keep the audience actually entertained instead of merely wanting to know "what happens next?". I say this because I feel television in this era is moving in a direction where writers are forfeiting creative plot-lines, drama and intelligent character development for what is simply known as "shock-value". I can use Eastenders as an example, now I am aware that the enduring soap has recently employed new producers and writers in order to breathe new life into a quickly going-stale soap-opera, but I can't help thinking, where has the life gone? I'm not going to recite previous story-lines but I remember this programme having a lot more substance that it has now, the ratings might tell you a different story but you have to appreciate the loyal fanbase this programme has accumulated over the years, I feel this has allowed complacency to creep into the corridors. I could go on and rant about television series that have "fallen off" à la the Simpsons, or what I now know it as "HD it all you want, it's still s***", but that's not constructive (or even relevant as I've just remembered).

So how has all this come to effect younger viewers? Well as I previously mentioned, the "shock-tactics" now being employed to producers and writers can only go in one direction, more seedy plot-lines, more violence, more is better? One could argue that this is the direction that our modern society is ultimately progressing but I disagree, to me these are the words of a defeated individual, or better yet somebody who profits from this. As a child I remember not understanding half the goings on in what I saw on prime-time T.V. and that was a good thing. When I think of the constant saturation of sex on our screens, it's inevitable that young children will start to understand way too much way too early in my opinion. Having been bombarded with these more mature scenarios, it's only a matter of time before children begin to understand "it was only a one night stand" or "he's having an affair with his daughter-in-law". This sort of television which used to hardly interest children at least until their mid-teens is now being directed at them in an attempt to win the eternal ratings war.

Maybe I sound just like another concerned parent, well I'm not, I'm still a teenager myself infact (only just about) but my social observation on this matter is clear for everyone to see, just go outside and look how much these kids know. During my weekly voluntary work with kids I hear a lot of things from 11 year olds that even surprise me. So what's the remedy for this current state of affairs? More accountability of producers? More censorship? In reality, I didn't think that far, but of anything history has taught us, it is that in the face of adversity a good role model will nine times out of ten prevail over the short comings of society. So in closing my stance is: If you're really going to park your child in front of a television screen then at least make sure it's either off...



or football.

Friday 16 July 2010

"So you've decided to start blogging"

Entry 1:

After a couple minutes of deliberation and a little more time trying to find a dot-blogspot address that wasn't already taken, I've decided to start blogging. Of what to blog about even I don't know yet, but I can guarantee it won't be uniform, consistent or anything relating to any particular subject field... except me of course. You see, I'm going to use this page as a bit of a mental exercise book, to share whatever may be making itself prominent in my mind at any particular moment of time. So if it comes to be that I'm the only person who regularly checks this blog, it will still be an overwhelming success finally having my thoughts rationally presented in written form (diary?).

However, in the interests of those kind enough to still be reading this nonsense, and in the spirit of blogging, I will try and cater to the reader. Luckily I consider myself somebody who doesn't limit his horizons of interests to any specific domain. Hence, one entry won't necessarily bear any relation to the previous (in accordance with the trail of my thoughts) but there should be something for everyone to read about and find interesting. Consider me as the illustrator to a picture with a palette of a thousand colours that everybody can appreciate, hopefully.